Self-talk (ST) in Emotional Intelligence (EI)

By Sparkian Meenakshi Raina

Contributing Author for Spark Igniting Minds


We must be aware of the terms of our discussion before we get to know how it affects or heals the following imperative segments of our life-


  • Metabolism – The chemical processes that occur within a living organism in order to maintain life.

  • Mental or Psychological Health – A level of psychological well-being or an absence of mental illness.

  • Relationships – The way in which two or more people or things are connected or the state of being connected.

  • Professional Life – The particular occupation for which you are trained.


So let’s now understand ST and EI-

  • Self Talk (ST) – The act or practice of talking to oneself, either aloud or silently and mentally is what we call self-talk

  • Emotional Intelligence (EI) – The capacity to be aware of, control and express one’s emotions and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically is what we call Emotional Intelligence.


Although, we have never think of these subtler segments of our lives and yet we lived a life which was full of vacuum and for which we were craving and searching for something which in turn could convert our lives into peace, serenity, contentment and ultimate happiness.  Therefore, taking into consideration, this harsh reality of our lives here arises the following questions-


  • To learn IQ is an external process while EI needs conscious awareness of one’s thoughts and feelings but if it is so then why is having all the resources and comforts of life, people tend to search all these things and that too in external world?

  • What makes a person hire a life coach or motivational speaker to learn the techniques to get all these essential components?

  • Why and how people lose their self-confidence?

  • What makes people indulge in intoxication or committing suicidal attempts?

  • Why in the past few decades, there is a huge demand for Life Coaches, Mentors, Motivational Speakers, Laughing Classes, Yog Classes, etc?


It is quite digestible that we need to go to skillful trainers to learn IQ but isn’t it shocking; when people are desperately searching for an expert to explore and to upgrade their state of mind or to regain or to recollect their emotional intelligence back?


To my knowledge and experiences, all these factors arise only because people are running after things and accomplishments and achievements by focusing on only IQ (Intelligence Quotient or what we call rational intelligence; an acquired knowledge based on certain tests with guaranteed proofs) which is good and there is nothing wrong in upgrading one’s level of intelligence but in this process of acquiring IQ,  people ignored to focus on their Emotional Intelligence and because of which they lacked the awareness of their thoughts and feelings and as a result of which they lost their connection with the self which created huge vacuum in their lives.


Effects of depleted or discharged Emotional Intelligence – Every thought has a direct impact on our Metabolism because a certain chemical reaction is secreted in the body with each thought we create and for which our body becomes prone to diseases.  Secondly, with the discharged state of EI, our mind remains occupied with all the negative emotions as a result of which our Psychological balance gets affected. Another, the impact of low-level EI is directly seen on our Relationships because when the mind is turbulent and we feel powerless and helpless, we start targeting our family members or our well-wishers to feel powerful. Unfortunately, low EI also affects our Professional life and we start feeling a lack of concentration, dizziness, jealous and so on at our workplace because of which we lose our efficiency and in some excruciating cases people lose their jobs. So it is high time to wake up and pay attention and become aware of your thoughts for the sake of your overall well-being and to safeguard your relationships and professional life as well.


Well, to my experience, we just need to follow only three practices in our lives to become emotionally strong i.e. Knowledge, Meditation and Self-Talk and that too on a regular basis.  Yes, my dear friends, these three things, if followed with full determination and will power will help us to recover from any type of trauma and will make us emotionally strong.  But before going ahead, we need to know little more about ourselves, because our mind is very smart; it will try to divert us with all its logical reasoning.  So, first of all, we must know who we are?


See, there are three factors of our identity i.e. Body, Mind and Soul.


Yes, dear friends, till now we were having a picture that we are just this body but it's not so. Well, we need to understand that Body means the physical entity of our being and Mind is what makes us think logically and Soul means energy that flows through our body till we are alive. Therefore, we need to answer our intellect i.e. our mind for all the logical reasoning to make it follow all the practices for our betterment. I know, you are still a little confused that how come our identity is not what we were thinking of, till now? Let me make you understand with an example, a teenager was offered cigarettes by his friends for the first time. 


Now, what happens is, one voice will come from inside that cigarette is not good, it will affect your body and many other such questions will arise spontaneously for the good cause then another voice will come from within; your friends are taking it for years but they all are perfectly alright, then again one voice will come; what if your parents will come to know then other voice will answer, don’t worry chew some mouth freshener or green cardamom and this commentary will go on until one voice prevails.  Here we need to pay attention that who are these two voices speaking to each other from within?  Dear friends, the voice which is asking the better things is the voice of our Soul and the voice which is giving logical answers is our smart intellect, our Mind. The soul always knows what is right for us whereas our mind always tries to detract and divert the soul with its logical reasoning in doing any immoral activity and follow negativity.


So, let's enlist all the practices which need to be done and that too on regular basis to make our Soul powerful and to overcome any type of negativity and to become a positive and well-determined person-


Knowledge – The theoretical and practical understandings of a subject is what we call knowledge. Thus until and unless we gain the clarities of our existence our mind will always try to dominate our inner voice, the Soul. Therefore, before you start your daily routine in the morning, listen to or watch videos on YouTube of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar or BK Sister Shivani or Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev or Sandeep Maheshwari or of some other Spiritual or Motivational Leaders. Now you might be asking that there are unlimited videos available of these great people, so which video to start with?  Let you start with ‘Soul Consciousness’ videos to get more clarifications about your existence.  Gradually, start reading or watching Bhagawad Gita videos.  Your focus should be to fill your Soul with an abundance of Spiritual and Motivational Knowledge so that you get to know the hidden mysteries of your existence and the mysteries of Divinity as well because until and unless we become aware of every cause and effect our Mind won’t feel contented and relaxed.  The Spiritual Knowledge (SK) has the power to calm down your turbulent and capricious mind and make it serene hence, SK is strongly recommended to each and every one of us.


Meditation – Well, it is a process where a technique is practiced to let your mind to focus on a particular object or activity.  So start doing Meditation as per your own convenience. You can learn the process of Meditation on YouTube from Sri Sri Ravi Shankar or BK Sister Shivani or from any skillful trainer.