By Manish Aggarwal
Contributory Author for Spark Igniting Minds
My behaviour was not to the mark when I observed myself. I was shouting on someone. There was a sense of irritation and unrest inside. I was telling him that he had broken my trust. Something flashed and surprised me.
It was a strike of lightening and I stopped for some time to understand what was happening inside.
A question flashed, ‘Is it the trust or an expectation? Is there any difference between both? Does the pain of breaking either feel differently or similar?’ And the mental gym started to have credentials from the past. Few were reflected from my own experiences and few were coming from the experience of others. They were expressing similar colours. The colours of broken expectations mostly have misconceived as of broken trust.
Alas!!! What have I done with my life and relations? How many times have I hurt people or left them after misconceiving trust for expectations?
The amazing fact was that in many cases the expectations were not even expressed. The deeper I go, the more clarity I was getting. I learnt, trust is the base of relations and an expectation is a knot in the thread. In weaving relations one or two threads shall not be allowed to be good enough to break the bridge of trust. I moved ahead to know the expectations from nearer; to understand how do we form them? How did they get their birth? Expectations have many roots, few are internal and many are external. Few of them are:
1. Our Fears and Greed
3. Value exchange viz. money, time, energy etc.
1. Family Values
2. Education system
3. Social etiquette's and rituals
4. Past behaviour of others
5. Educational qualifications and age of others
And all these contribute to our expectations in their own way. The challenge begins when we regard all or any of them as a trust. The challenge is bigger when these expectations are not even expressed. The other side is unaware about them as they keep carrying their own expectations and priorities as they pass through different stages of life. They behave entirely differently. These different behaviours either provide strength or weakness to trust and relations. These are expectations, which are a part of trust and relations. It is not trust. If these all are expectations, then what is trust? Where are its roots?
Trust is somewhat deep inside. It remains unshakeable and strong when we stay within or travel towards inside. This is the invisible base of every relation - your relation of and with the universe, your relation with your own self. The moment we feel to give it a word identity, it fades, it shakes. This is a feeling beyond expression. We can just get its glimpses through stories and experiences.
The symbol of its presence is joy, peace, harmony, acceptance, co-existence and abundance. It is a power beyond powers. Where hope is a kite, trust is the thread; where solution has an idea, possibility is the trust. What’s the relationship between expectation and trust then? Is it pain only? Yes, pain creates a relation among them, but not the only one. When expectation is expressed and accepted, it forms a binding - the binding of trust. When a father holds the hand of his child, it’s trust; when a child holds the hand of old age parent, it carries a trust. When a wife holds the hand of her husband, she expresses a trust, not an expectation but a trust of being there always.
The misconception of expectation as trust happens when they become the subject matter of senses. When one sense approves the experience of second, viz., when listening of ears, is approved by a happening seen by the eyes or vice-versa. The same implies with reading and experience. When the pride of knowledge makes the knowledge static and emotions moves into right and wrong, the expectation is presumed as trust. Thus, expectation is very narrow, subjective and has a very fixed position, while trust is very vast and universal in nature.
For the first time in my life, I became acquainted with trust and expectations together, and was able to figure out the difference between them as they seemed like twins. My trust was happy enough as there would be no more confusions. I am not going to convert it into rust. My expectations were feeling confident as I would be able to tame my incapability to express them and getting acceptance from the other side. Both of them came as an aligned partner for harmony, peace and joy. They understand the principle of co-existence and the power of communication.
Stay blessed with the relations and environment of trust. Keep setting the right expectations!!!
About the Author
Manish Kumar Aggarwal, The Mindfood Chef, is a life coach and an author, He encourages and guides people towards realizing awareness via inner communication. He spreads the message of feeling gratitude, joy, and abundance.