By Antara Kar
Contributing Author for Spark Igniting Minds
Whether it’s a loss of a seat in an election or turning down a business deal or a failed relationship, failing at any length brings in a lot of human emotions. Sometimes one is filled with pain, anger, embarrassment, or hatred to name a few.
Well who likes to fail? No one!
When you are falling off a cliff, it doesn’t matter if you land on your face or on your ass. So, embrace the emotion. Allow yourself the self-pity. Acknowledge your emotions responsibly. Accept suffering responsibly.
The inner world of successful people is as fragile as yours or mine. Choose to move beyond the negative chatter of the mind as it can be detrimental while you strive to deal with the difficulties. Allow yourself to feel bad. It can keep you motivated to work harder and find better solutions the next time.
The art of dodging the mind.
Like a surfer surfing across a vast ocean, you need to learn to find a way to negotiate with the waves. You may have to stand sideways with your feet wide apart as waves come close, you have to either jump high or swim over them. It is the same with the negative mind chatter, until we choose to fight/override them.
You can curse your fate or seize the opportunity to blossom; you could be a rare pearl in the wild sea of turbulent emotions and find a way to keep yourself focused.
Recognize unhealthy means to reduce pain.
When a spiritual practitioner faces a strong desire that’s unhealthy/unethical, he doesn’t seek to gratify it nor does he hate himself for the desire. He simply rises above the ‘wave’ and thinks of himself as a separate entity from the mind. He lets the thought pass.
Distracting yourself or attempting to fill the void with drug abuse or alcohol will not heal pain either. It can give temporary relief but it’s never a solution. These types of coping skills do more harm than good worsen you situation further.
Instead, try talking to a friend/family, cuddle a pet, play a sport, practise meditation, go for a break and bounce back to life with double energy.
Don’t panic, hang on and fight back
The mind will scream and protest. Don’t panic, don’t fear and resist the urge to escape.
You need to calm it down. You may need to train your mind with few positive affirmations
I can handle failure.
I can learn from my failures.
Failure is a signal that I’m preparing myself to do something difficult.
If life throws you lemon make lemonade out of it.
No one climbed Mount Everest in the first go, no one invented the aeroplane in the first attempt, but they kept trying until they achieved their goal.
Don’t give the remote control of your life to somebody else. It’s you who should operate you. So pick yourself up. Dust yourself up.
Get inspiration from famous failures
During the bad days of J. K. Rowling she quoted,
“By every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.”
That’s the author of the Harry Potter series, the books which been translated into 73 languages, has sold millions of copies, and has become a film franchise across the globe.
Creating the masterpiece wasn’t a cakewalk for her. After her mother passed away she fought depression alongside the baggage of her failed marriage and being a single mother. She came back to nothing. She lost her job and had two mouths to feed. She had hit rock bottom. Despite numerous complications, she found peace in doing what she adored – writing. After getting rejected by 12 publishers, the magic of Harry Potter touched million hearts.
“Amitabh Bachchan was rejected by the All India Radio!”
The famous actor with a baritone-like voice of Indian cinema, the living legend of many decades, the inspiration of junior artists, the face of Bollywood, didn’t reach the pinnacle overnight.
The man had his fair share of struggles too. Even at the height of his popularity, he’s seen some truly tough days. The popular legend says that he was rejected during the All India Radio audition as they didn’t like his voice. However, later he came to know that the presenter didn’t have the time to meet him and rejected him without an interview. The actor delivered 12 consecutive failures before the massive success with film Zanjeer. And then there has been no looking back.
Create a plan to move forward in life
Replay the failure over and over in mind whenever you get stuck in life. Don’t allow yourself to contemplate on all the things that went wrong.
Instead, make a Plan-B that will help you retrospect on the information and experience you gained from the failure.
With your new goal set, and your new plan in hand, set out to achieve your goal. You are learning as you go, and an organic part of this process is to adjust and tweak your approach whenever required. Whether you achieve your goal or have to try again, you will have indeed achieved a higher level of strength.
About Antara Kar